You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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