Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
