And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
she smelled like a LAN party
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
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then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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