To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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