I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
