he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
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hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
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No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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