everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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