when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
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