the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
