i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
