i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
porn star boner night. come get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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