believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
