accomplished twins. life is a go
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
