Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
