Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
