I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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