Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
