My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
