Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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