That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Everything about him screamed your future.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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