She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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