it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
