i already hear my dad disowning me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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