Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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