There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
