I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
