lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
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