I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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