Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
