I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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