brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Congratulations! We have a period
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
