if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
