I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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