I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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