I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
