didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
