i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
