I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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