Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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