No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
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I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
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So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I supernannyed him into submission
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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