I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We need a shit load of segways right now
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
