It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
