Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
