You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
