At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
