that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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