Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
