maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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