I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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