WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
