I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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