I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
