there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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