oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
