apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
