Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
