Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i came on her dog
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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