I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
