walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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