I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She needs sedatives and a leash
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
