Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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