He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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