nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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