Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
