Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
