Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I am naked and annoyed.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize