Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
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I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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