I think I won the penis lottery.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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