hotel room ftw
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
