My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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