she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
