i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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