I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
