took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
