I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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