And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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