I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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