from now on my penis is your penis
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
