I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
