Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
