The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
