I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
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