You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
