i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
