Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
