I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize