Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
