I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
