Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
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You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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