Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
