I feel great
I just peed on a car
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
