I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I want to make a zoo with you.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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