sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
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watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
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He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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