Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
