So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
