Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
